I've been thinking alot about friendship lately. I think having girlfriends to talk to, laugh with, and rely on is so important. In my life, I can count on one hand the number of people I've met who I just automatically "clicked" with (you know, kindred spirits) and became friends for life. These kinds of friends are few and far between, but I am so grateful for these relationships. Unfortunately, none of them live in the same state as me! Of course I have other friends that I really like, too, and enjoy being with and that I can see regularly. In my humble opinion, there are some "unspoken" rules about friendship, and being a friend. These rules will vary slightly depending on the kind of friendship you have...but I present my rules of friendship.
My friend Brooke and me, circa 2006
1. Every friendship must be a mutual, reciprocal relationship. It should not be one sided, with one person always initiating. Have you ever (thought you) had a friend who always seemed excited to get together when you called but never called you? If I'm trying to become better friends with someone, I will invite them to do something (come over for dinner, go shopping, etc.) but then I will wait for them to reciprocate before I invite them again. Maybe I'm wierd that way, but they have to want to be my friend, too. Am I the only one who thinks this way?
2. All people do and say things from time to time which they don't intend to be hurtful, but are. It is important to be forgiving and not get offended when this happens with a friend. I'm sure I've said many things that didn't come out the way I intended them! On the flip side, I've had good friends hurt my feelings but I've brushed these things off and moved on. No one is perfect, even in a close friendship.
3. Friends should try to acknowledge milestones and events in life, such as weddings, birthdays, graduations, children's births, etc. with a card, a phone call and/or sometimes a gift. This is especially important with long distance friends. However, if your friend forgets an occasion, see rule #2.
4. Friends keep confidences and don't gossip about you.
5. Real friendship is unconditional. It stays the same regardless of your appearance, bank account balance, address, trials and mistakes. Real friends stick around when things aren't always pretty and fun. True friendship is always the same, even if years go by without contact. You just pick up where you left off.
6. Friends are interested in and ask questions about your life, your kid, etc. They can tell when things really aren't going well. They listen when you need to talk. They tell you the truth, even when you don't want to hear it.
I am so grateful for friendship in my life. My friend Brooke and I (see picture above) met about 9 years ago while working at RCWilley (she introduced me to Brandon!). We clicked immediately, and have stayed in touch over the years. We've recently started talking often and it's so fun! She's definitely one of my kindred spirits.
Can you think of any rules I missed? Do you agree with my rules?
12 on the 12th--January 2020 Edition
6 years ago
5 comments:
You forgot to say that friends alwlays leave a comment on your blog post! I don't think friends have to remember every occasion, but if they remember, or you remind them, it is nice to share your in your friend's joy (or sadness, as the case may be). I think friends always know what you MEAN, even though you may not say it just right!
I love posts about rules. You exemplify every rule on this list, which is obvious bc you are a great friend! I thought of you on the rule about remembering special occasions bc you are great at that. I remember being so touched that you mailed a gift to my bridal shower and then flew in for the wedding! I also like the rule about how true friends can go years w/o contact and there is still no wierdness.
I'm feeling what you are saying!! I met some of the bestest (if that's a word) friends I have EVER had while living in TX and then had to leave them all to move to ID. I've been very sad about all this and have been thinking about "friendship" a lot.
With the move I have definitely been able to ween out the GOOD friends from the good acquaintances. Those who would call or check up with me even if I didn't have a blog are my good friends, the ones that I trust, the ones that still remember my birthday even though it's on Dec. 24th, the ones that don't give me a b-day card and also say "merry christmas" in it! the ones that are truly excited for me and the ones that make the relationship a "two way street".
That is my biggest 'beef' with a friendship. There's been too many times where I'm doing the "chasing" but turn around and nobody is chasing me. It sucks! But once I do find the good friends, I am very loyal to them and find that they in turn are loyal to me too! It's so nice!
It is SO hard to find those "good" friends, but like you said, once you do, they are friends for life!!
I completely agree with #1 and #3 for sure! I love to send cards to my friends kids on their birthdays. Allie's boys were like my kids for a longggggg time because we don't have any little nieces or nephews so until Stella came along, they were the closest thing we had! I love a good friend and I am glad you dedicated a post to the good old rules of friendship! You are a great friend and I love you!
Loved your comment fatty!! I feel the same way about your rules of friendship. We have been friends for a long time, and we have been through many things together; like sitting through training together at RC Willey's, and me telling you not to date Brandon, which you didn't listen very good. We have gone on " diets together" we have walked the wharehouse of RC Willeys on many breaks. We have had a lot of good times together. I can't wait until you decide to come back to Utah, so we can "pick up where we left off"
I loved your Easter pictures! Very cute. I did not get a new Easter outfit which kinda sucked but we are trying to save money and so i have to be the one to "sacrifice". I hate that unwritten rule that mom has to go without when you are trying to "SAVE MONEY" .
It does not suprise me at all that you are the party planner of all these big events. You love that kind of stuff, and you are good at the that, You love to be the boss and tell people what to do, ha ha Well fatty, I loved your new updates, your the best, nice job :)Love ya lots!!
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